Stan: That person who helps others simply because it should or must be done, and because it is the right thing to do, is indeed without a doubt, a real superhero.
Spider-Man Noir: Hey, fellas.
Miles Morales: Is he in black and white?
Peter B. Parker: Where is that wind coming from? We're in a basement.
Spider-Man Noir: Wherever I go, the wind follows. And the wind... smells like rain.
Stan: I'm going to miss him.
Miles Morales: Yeah.
Stan: We were friends, you know.
Miles Morales: Can I return it if it doesn't fit?
Stan: It always fits, eventually.
Peter B. Parker: [to Miles, after he lost his uncle Aaron] We've all been there. For me, it was my uncle Ben.
Spider-Man Noir: For me, it was my uncle Benjamin.
Peni Parker: For me, it was my father.
Gwen Stacy: For me, it was my best friend.
Spider-Ham: Miles, the hardest thing about this job is you can't always save everybody.
Peter B. Parker: This could literally not get any weirder.
Spider-Ham: It *can* get weirder!
[holds out his hand, which is wet for some reason]
Spider-Ham: I just washed my hands. *That's* why they're wet.
Spider-Ham: No other reason.
Brooklyn Bystander: [looking at a glitched stoplight] I think it's a Banksy.
Miles Morales: [to Peter Parker] So, how many of us are there?
Peter B. Parker: Save it for Comic-Con.
Miles Morales: What's "Comic-Con"?
Lyla: You're a bit late.
Miguel O'Hara: Can't all be everywhere at once.
Lyla: A little text might have been nice.
Miguel O'Hara: I was gone for less than two hours. What happened?
Lyla: Okay, okay, okay. I know what it looks like, but... here's the good news.
Miguel O'Hara: Oh, here we go.
Lyla: The multiverse didn't collapse.
Miguel O'Hara: Oh, cool!
Lyla: A little touch and go. It worked out.
Miguel O'Hara: Great story. Hey, did you finish the goober?
Lyla: It's not a goober. It's a gizmo.
Miguel O'Hara: You always have to call me out? It's just really frustrating and that bums me out.
Lyla: Don't get too excited, Miguel. It's just a prototype.
Miguel O'Hara: Not excited.
Lyla: But you could be the first person to make an autonomous multiverse jump. Or the last.
Miguel O'Hara: Okay, so we're just... gonna roll the dice on this?
Lyla: So what do you say, pal? Where do you want to go first?
Miguel O'Hara: Let's start at the beginning, one last time. Earth-67.
[Miguel jumps into Earth-67 and meets that universe's Spider-Man]
Miguel O'Hara: Whoa!
Spider-Man '67: What the- ?
Miguel O'Hara: I'm Spider-Man. I need you to come with me.
Spider-Man '67: [pointing at Miguel] Who the heck are you?
Miguel O'Hara: [pointing back] I, I just told you. Now listen, listen. I'm from the future.
Spider-Man '67: [pointing back] How dare you point at me.
Miguel O'Hara: [pointing back] You, you were pointing first.
Spider-Man '67: [pointing back] It's rude to point.
Miguel O'Hara: [pointing back] You're being very rude! You're not even believing what I'm saying!
Police Officer: Which one pointed first?
J. Jonah Jameson: Spider-Man pointed first. Obviously!
Miguel O'Hara: [as both Spider-Men continue to point at each other] You're pointing at me right now! Look at you! Look what you did there! Look at your finger right now!
Spider-Man '67: It's different than normal pointing.
Miguel O'Hara: You are pointing...
Spider-Man '67: You haven't seen pointing until I'm finished with you.
Miguel O'Hara: You're accusing me of pointing while you're...
Spider-Ham: Do animals talk in this dimension? Cause I don't wanna freak anyone out...
Peter B. Parker: What did you say your name was?
Doc Ock: Dr. Olivia Octavius.
[Takes off her lab coat revealing her Dr. Octopus arms]
Peter B. Parker: And I assume your friends call you "Doc Ock"?
Doc Ock: Actually, my friends call me "Liv". My *enemies* call me "Doc Ock".
Chorus: [from trailer] Spider-Ham, Spider-Ham / Friendly neighborhood Spider-Ham / Spins a web, that's the gig / Kind of weird, cause he's a pig / Look out, here comes a Spider-Ham! / To him, life is a plate of bacon / When there's trouble in the making / You'll find a Spider-Ham!
Peter B. Parker: [to Miles] One thing I know for sure: don't do it like me. Do it like you.
Peter Parker: [while being attacked by The Prowler] Are you mad at me? I feel like you're mad at me.
Jefferson Davis: With great ability comes great accountability.
Miles Morales: That's not how it goes.
Spider-Man Noir: [looking at a Rubik's Cube] This is purple?
Spider-Man Noir: Blue?
Spider-Ham: [after hitting Scorpion with a sledgehammer] Did *that* feel like a cartoon?
Spider-Man Noir: Sometimes I let matches burn down to my fingertips just to feel something, anything.
Spider-Man Noir: OK, little fella, Kingpin's gonna send a lot of mugs after ya, I'm talking hard boys, real biscuit boxers. Can you fight them all off at once?
Miles Morales: Well, I, I haven't actually fought anyone...
Spider-Man Noir: Surprise attack!
[Miles tries to fight Spider-Man Noir, but Noir knocks him down. Peni jumps in]
Peni Parker: Can you re-wire a mainframe while being shot at?
Miles Morales: Can I what?
Peni Parker: Show me!
Spider-Man Noir: Surprise attack!
[Noir knocks him down again]
Gwen Stacy: Can you swing and flip with the grace of a trained dancer?
Spider-Man Noir: Can you close off your feelings so you don't get crippled by the moral ambiguity of your violent actions?
Aunt May: Can you help your aunt create an online dating profile so she can get out of the dang house once in a while?
Spider-Ham: Can you float through the air when you smell a delicious pie?
Miles Morales: What?
Gwen Stacy: Can you be strong?
Peni Parker: Ruthless?
Gwen Stacy: Disciplined?
Miles Morales: I don't know, maybe...
Spider-Man Noir: Show me some moxie, soldier!
Gwen Stacy: Above all, no mater how many times you get hit, can you get back up?
Spider-Man Noir: Because when a Spider-Man is on the floor...
Gwen Stacy: - When you think you've given your all...
Spider-Ham: - When you think you can't keep going...
Spider-Man Noir: - Spider-Man always gets up.
Miles Morales: When will I know I'm ready?
Peter B. Parker: You won't. It's a leap of faith. That's all it is, Miles. A leap of faith.
Miles Morales: [final lines, voiceover] Okay, let's do this one last time, yeah? For real this time. This is it. My name is Miles Morales. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. And for like two days, I've been the one and only Spider-Man. I think you know the rest. I finished my essay. I saved a bunch of people. Got hit by a drone. Did this with my dad. Met my roommate finally. Slapped a sticker where my Dad's never going to find it. And when I feel alone, like no one understands what I'm going through, I remember my friends who get it. I never thought I'd be able to do any of this stuff. But I can. Anyone can wear the mask. You can wear the mask. If you didn't know that before, I hope you do now. Cuz I'm Spider-Man. And I'm not the only one. Not by a long shot.
Gwen Stacy: [from beyond her dimension] Miles! Miles! Miles! You got a minute?
Brooklyn Visions Security Guard: I know you snuck out last night, Morales.
Miles Morales: [thinking] Play dumb!
Miles Morales: Who's Morales?
Miles Morales: [thinking] Not that dumb!
Miles Morales: Gosh, don't cops run red lights?
Jefferson Davis: Oh, yeah. Some do. But not your dad.
Miles Morales: What's going on with your body?
Peter B. Parker: I don't think my atoms are real jazzed about being in the wrong dimension.
Peter B. Parker: Look, I'm not looking for a side gig as a Spider-Man coach. I got a lot going on in my dimension, like a lot.
Miles Morales: With great power comes great...
Peter B. Parker: Don't you dare finish that sentence! Don't do it. I'm sick of it.
Mary Jane: [mistaking Peter for a waiter] Hello.
Peter B. Parker: Oh, wow.
Mary Jane: Um, I just wondered if we could have some more bread at table twelve.
Peter B. Parker: Yeah! I'm just, I'm really sorry...
Mary Jane: Oh, don't be sorry. It's just bread.
Peter B. Parker: No, I wasn't there for you when you needed me.
Mary Jane: Mmm-hmm...
Peter B. Parker: And I didn't even try.
Mary Jane: That's fine. I should really get going...
Peter B. Parker: I know I could do better if I just had another chance to give you... the bread that you deserve.
Mary Jane: Are you okay?
Gwen Stacy: Ma'am, we'll take care of that bread right now.
Mary Jane: It's been nice, uh, talking to you.
Peter B. Parker: For you they should fill this place up with fresh bread.
Gwen Stacy: [to Peter] You all right, man?
Peter B. Parker: Yeah, totally.
Gwen Stacy: Okay, good, 'cause we are not getting any bread.
Miles Morales: I was there when it all happened. I'm sorry.
Aunt May: And what dimension are *you* from?
Miles Morales: Brooklyn.
Peni Parker: Hi guys! Konichiwa! Hajimemashita yoroshuku?
Peter B. Parker: This kid can turn himself invisible! Watch this, he can do it... now!
Miles Morales: I can't do it on command...
Peter B. Parker: He can't do it on command! But it is cool. Show them the zappy thing, Miles.
Miles Morales: I can't do it on command.
Peter B. Parker: He can't do it on command! But he can do so much more, like what else do you do?
Miles Morales: Just those two things.
Peter B. Parker: Just those two things.
Miss Calleros: Mr. Morales, moving in the dark. You're late again.
Miles Morales: Einstein said time was relative, right? Maybe I'm not late. Maybe you guys are early.
Gwen Stacy: [beat, but then giggles] Sorry. It was just so quiet.
Scorpion: Puerco? What are you, some kind of silly cartoon?
Spider-Ham: You got a problem with cartoons?
Peter Parker: [narrating] Alright, let's do this one last time. My name is Peter Parker. I was bitten by a radioactive spider and for ten years I've been the one and only Spider-Man. I'm pretty sure you know the rest. I saved a bunch of people, fell in love, saved the city, and then I saved the city again and again and again... And, uh... I did this.
[shot of Spidey doing the emo dance from "Spider-Man 3"]
Peter Parker: We don't really talk about this. Look, I'm a comic book, I'm a cereal, did a Christmas album. I have an excellent theme song. And a so-so popsicle. I mean, I've looked worse. But after everything, I still love being Spider-Man. I mean, who wouldn't? So no matter how many hits I take, I always find a way to come back. Because the only thing standing between this city and oblivion is me. There's only one Spider-Man. And you're looking at him.
Peter B. Parker: [in reference to an impressive move Miles does] Ah, we taught him that, right?
Gwen Stacy: I didn't teach him that. And you *definitely* didn't.
Peter B. Parker: Ah, you have a goober. Give it.
Miles Morales: [referring to the Peter Parker of his universe] Wait, no. He called it an override key.
Peter B. Parker: There's always a bypass key, a virus key, a who-cares key I can never remember so I just call it a goober.
Peter Parker: Listen, we've gotta team up here, we don't have that much time.
[drops USB drive into Miles' hand]
Peter Parker: This override key is the only way to stop the collider. Swing up there, use this key, push the button and blow it up!
Peter Parker: You need to hide your face, and don't tell anyone who you are. No one can know, he's got everyone in his pocket.
Miles Morales: [overwhelmed with information] What?
Peter Parker: If he turns the machine on again, everything you know will disappear. Your family; everyone, EVERYONE! Promise me, you'll do this?
Miles Morales: I promise.
Peter Parker: Go! Destroy the collider! I'll come and find you!
[as Miles exits]
Peter Parker: It's gonna be ok.
Miles Morales: [In the trailer] If I don't destroy the collider, none of us will have a home to go home to.