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: Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1. Han Solo
: Never tell me the odds.
: Artoo says that the chances of survival are 725 to 1. Actually Artoo has been known to make mistakes... from time to time... Oh dear...
: [on Han's escape plan
] I really don't see how that is going to help! Surrender is a perfectly acceptable alternative in extreme circumstances! The Empire may be gracious enough to...
[Han signals to Leia, who shuts 3PO down
[the asteroid quakes
: Sir, it's quite possible this asteroid is not entirely stable. Han Solo
: Not entirely stable. I'm glad you're here to tell us these things. Chewie! Take the Professor in back and plug him into the hyperdrive!
: Excuse me sir, but might I inquire as to what's going on? Han Solo
: Why not? C-3PO
: Impossible man.
[Han heads out of the Asteroids toward a Star Destroyer
: The odds of successfully surviving an attack on an Imperial Star Destroyer are approximately... Leia
: Shut up!
: Sir, If I may venture an opinion... Han Solo
: I'm not really interested in your opinion 3PO.
[after R2-D2 gets fried
: Don't blame me. I'm an interpreter. I'm not supposed to know a power socket from a computer terminal.
: Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is. Darth Vader
: Well, Calrissian, did he survive? Lando
: Yes, he's alive, and in perfect hibernation. Darth Vader
: He's all yours, bounty hunter. Reset the chamber for Skywalker.
[the storm troopers are taken prisoner by Calrissian's men
: [to Lobot, his aide
] Well done. Hold them in the security tower, and keep it quiet. Move.
[Lando's aide and their men walk off with the troops as Lando hands Leia the imperials' weapons and starts taking off Chewie's cuffs
: What do you think you're doing? Lando
: We're getting out of here. C-3PO
: I knew all along. Had to be a mistake. Leia
] Do you think that after what you did to Han that we're going to trust you?
[Chewie grabs Lando by the throat
] I had no choice! C-3PO
: What are you doing? Trust him, trust him! Leia
: Oh, well, we understand, don't we, Chewie. You had "no choice". Lando
: Just trying to help... Leia
: We don't need any of your help! Lando
] Han! Ha- Ha... Leia
: What? Lando
: HAN! C-3PO
: It sounds like Han! Lando
] There's still a chance to save Han! At the east... platform! Leia
[Leia gets Chewie to drop Lando
: I'm terribly sorry about all this. After all, he's only a Wookiee!
[Chewbacca is fixing C-3PO
: Oh, yes, that's very good, I like that... Oh!
[the lights in his eyes go out
: Well, now, something's not right, because now I can't see!
[Chewie fiddles with something and his eyes turn back on
: Oh, oh, that's much better. Wait... wait. Oh, my! What have you done? I'm BACKWARDS. You flea-bitten furball! Only an overgrown mop-head like you would be stupid enough to...
[Chewie switches 3PO off
: They're getting closer. Han Solo
: Oh, yeah? Watch this.
[he throws the hyperdrive lever, the engine sputters and dies
: Watch what? Han Solo
: I think we're in trouble. C-3PO
: If I may say so, sir, I noticed earlier the hyperdrive motivator has been damaged. It's impossible to go to lightspeed! Han Solo
: We're in trouble!
: [Interrupting Han and Leia kissing
] Sir. Sir, I've isolated the reverse, power flux coupling. Han Solo
: Thank you. Thank you very much. C-3PO
: Oh you're perfectly welcome, sir.
: I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.
[R2-D2 bleeps an inquiry
: Of course I've looked better.
: Master Luke, Sir, it's so good to see you fully functional again. R2 expresses his relief also.
[R2 is trying to open the door as Storm Troopers shoot at them; he beeps
: No! We're not interested in the hyperdrive on the Millenium Falcon, it's fixed!
[R2 beeps again
: Just open the door, you stupid lug!
[he opens the door
: I never doubted him for a second! Wonderful!
: I'm terribly sorry about all this. After all, he's only a Wookiee.
: Sir, I don't know where your ship learned to communicate, but it has the most peculiar dialect.
: [about Lando
] : Well, he seems very friendly. Princess Leia
: Yes, very friendly...
: Don't worry about Master Luke. I'm sure he'll be all right. He's quite clever, you know... for a human being.
: [R2 is outside the Hoth base, scanning the area
] You must come along now R2. There's really nothing more we can do. And my joints are freezing up.
[R2 Beeps something about Luke
: Don't say things like that! Of course we'll see Master Luke again! And he'll be quite all right, you'll see!
: Stupid little short-circuit! He'll be *quite* all right.
[R2 beeps again and keeps scanning
[in the Asteroid Field
] Princess Leia
: We're going to get pulverized if we stay out here much longer. Han Solo
: I'm not going to argue with that. C-3PO
[C-3PO and R2-D2 are first seen walking in the underground base on Ice Planet Hoth
: I didn't ask you to turn on the thermal heater. I merely commented that it was freezing in the princess's chamber... R2-D2
: [Chirps his objection
: But it's SUPPOSED to be freezing! How we are ever going to dry out her clothes, I really don't know!
: [in 1997 Special Edition only
] Oh, this is suicide! There's nowhere to go.
: That sounds like an R2 unit in there! I wonder if... Hello? How interesting. Stormtrooper
: Who are you? C-3PO
: Oh, my! I... I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. No, please don't get up.
[the Stormtrooper shoots C-3PO
: [Chewbacca is carrying the dismembered C3PO on his back
] If only you'd attached my legs, I wouldn't be in this ridiculous position. Now remember, Chewbacca, you have a responsibility to me, so don't do anything foolish!
[while the Falcon is fleeing from Imperial fighters, and R2-D2 is stitching C-3PO back together
: Noisy brute. Why don't we just go to lightspeed? R2-D2
: We can't? How would you know the hyperdrive is deactivated? R2-D2
: The City's central computer told you? R2-D2, you know better than to trust a strange computer.
[R2's welding arm shocks his ankle
: Ouch! Pay attention to what you're doing!
: Now don't you forget this! Why I should stick my neck out for you is far beyond my capacity!
: Just you reconsider playing that message for him!
[R2 beeps a question
: No, I don't think he likes you at all.
[R2 beeps again
: No, I don't like you either.
: I would much rather have gone with Master Luke than stay here with you. I don't know what all this trouble is about, but I'm sure it must be your fault.
[R2 beeps an angry response
: You watch your language!
[C-3PO is tangled up in wires after a run-in with tie fighters
: Help! I think I'm melting! This is all your fault!
[R2-D2 makes a series of beeps that sound like chuckling
: [to R2-D2
] This is all your fault.
: We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life.
: We've stopped. Wake up! Wake up!
: We're doomed.
: [translating for R2
] He says he's found the main control to the power beam that's holding the ship here; he'll try to make the precise location appear on the monitor.
[a diagram of the power terminal appears on the screen
: The tractor beam is coupled to the main reactor in seven locations. A power loss at one of the terminals will allow the ship to leave.
: Where could they be?
[R2 beeps at him
: Use the comlink? Oh my! I forgot, I turned it off.
[over the comlink
: Are you there sir? Luke Skywalker
: 3PO? C-3PO
: We've had some problems... Luke Skywalker
] Will you shut up and listen to me! Shut down all the garbage smashers on the detention level, will ya? Do you copy? Shut down all the garbage smashers on the detention level! Shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level! C-3PO
: [to R2-D2
] No! Shut them *all* down, hurry!
[R2 shuts down the compactors
] Luke Skywalker
: What? HAHA! Hey, you did it 3PO!
[Luke, Leia and Han start laughing hysterically; it sounds like screaming
: Listen to them, they're dying R2! Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough, it's all my fault! My poor Master. Luke Skywalker
: 3PO, we're all right! We're all right! Ha ha! Hey, open the pressure maintenance hatch on unit number... where are we? 3263827!
: Don't call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease.
: We're doomed.
[R2-D2 and Chewbacca are playing the holographic game aboard the Millennium Falcon
: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh! C-3PO
: He made a fair move. Screaming about it can't help you. Han Solo
: Let him have it. It's not wise to upset a Wookiee. C-3PO
: But sir, nobody worries about upsetting a droid. Han Solo
: That's 'cause droids don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookiees are known to do that. Chewbacca
: Grrf. C-3PO
: I see your point, sir. I suggest a new strategy, R2: let the Wookiee win.
: Is there anything I can do? Luke Skywalker
: Not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock.
: Master Luke, sir. Pardon me for asking, but what should R2 and I do if we're discovered here? Luke Skywalker
: Lock the door. Han Solo
: And hope they don't have blasters. C-3PO
: That isn't very reassuring.
: What are you doing hiding back there? C-3PO
: It wasn't my fault, sir, please don't deactivate me. I told him not to go, but he's faulty, malfunctioning. Kept babbling on about his mission.
: I've just about had enough of you. Go that way. You'll be malfunctioning within a day, you near-sighted scrap pile. And don't let me catch you following me begging for help because you won't get it.
: That malfunctioning little twirp, this is all his fault.
: Did you hear that? They shut down the main reactor. We'll be destroyed for sure. This is madness.
: You must repair him! Sir, if any of my circuits or gears will help, I'll gladly donate them. Luke Skywalker
: He'll be all right.
: And I am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations. And this is my counterpart R2D2.
: There'll be no escape for the princess this time.
: R2D2 where are you?
: [seeing a metalic transport craft shining in the distance
] Wait a minute... What's that? A transport? I'm saved!
[waving his arms wildly; shouting
: Over here! Hey! Hey! Help! Please, Help!
: A transmission? Princess Leia
: [in a hologram
] I am Princess Leia of Alderaan. We've placed a rebel spy vital to the survival of the rebellion in your StarSpeeder. You must see him/her safely delivered to the coordinates I'm transmitting to your R2 unit. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Star Tours, you're my only hope. C-3PO
: Her only hope.
: What do you mean we'll be making a slight detour?
: [the Starspeeder 1000 crashes into the back of a Naboo fighter, its long tail smashing through the windshield; a Pit Droid grumbles
] What do you mean we broke your ship? You broke our view port.
[the Pit Droid falls through the opening
: And I did not give you permission to come aboard.
: May the Force be with you.
: [to R2-D2
] They're not going the wrong way, WE are, you nitwit!
: Look, there's a platform. Let's land there.
: [to R2-D2
] What do you mean we're taking a slight detour?
: [while flying under water
] And I thought I hated space travel.
: Star Tours 1401, you are clear for departure. C-3PO
: 1401? That's us. We can't take off. The captain isn't on board. Computer Voice
: Auto-take off sequence initiated. C-3PO
: Um, excuse me, you don't seem to understand. I am not the captain. I am C-3PO. Controller
: 1401 clear for take off. Contact departure on frequency four-two-niner. C-3PO
: Halt! C-3PO
: Don't shoot! Darth Vader
: Prepare to be boarded, Captain. C-3PO
: I'm afraid there's been a terrible mistake! I am C-3... Darth Vader
: [a picture of one of the passengers appears on the info screen to the right
] We know you have this rebel spy on board. C-3PO
: [depending on the gender or age of the spy
] I have never seen that man/woman/person before!
[Vader begins to hold the speeder with his Force Grip
] Darth Vader
: Don't underestimate my power. I want that spy!
: Star Tours, this is a restricted area. What are you doing here? C-3PO
: I have no idea!
: [the speeder is teetering over a steep cliff
] Nobody move.
[starts to tip forward
: I mean, everybody move! Lean back!
: [Yoda appears in a hologram
] Yoda, I am. On your ship, one loyal to our cause you carry. C-3PO
: The spy! Yoda
: Mmm! Deliver him/her you must, or all will be lost. To your R2 unit, coordinates I will send. May the Force be with you.
: [to the passengers
] I'm afraid we've all just joined the Rebel Alliance.
: [Underwater, the StarSpeeder 1000 passes over Jar Jar Binks
] We nearly hit that poor Gungan.
: [R2-D2 beeps
] What transmission? Admiral Ackbar
: [Ackbar appears in a hologram and identifies himself
] This is Admiral Ackbar. By now you know that your StarSpeeder is carrying an agent vital to our rebel cause. C-3PO
: The Spy. Admiral Ackbar
: Precisely. Deliver him/her safely to the rendezvous point I am transmitting to your R2 unit. Good luck, and may the Force be with you.
: [R2 beeps
] R2-D2, what are you saying? This is madness!
: [arriving over the planet Geonosis
] This can't be right. Boba Fett
: [In his Slave I ship
] You can run, but you can't hide. Not from me!
[fires at the StarSpeeder 1000
: That dreadful bounty hunter!
: Star Tours! We were concerned about you! Is our agent safe? C-3PO
: Safe, but perhaps a little shaken. Admiral Ackbar
: We are grateful you made it. You are *all* heroes of the Rebellion. C-3PO
: I rather like the sound of that!
[the ship lands
: Now be careful out there - all of you! The Empire is watching.
[the cockpit shield starts to rise, C-3PO shouts
: Pardon me, but how do we get back to a Star Tours terminal? Hello?
: [rapidly approaching a repair dock on Naboo
] Brakes! Brakes! Where are the brakes?
: I have a bad feeling about this.
: Thruster malfunction. C-3PO
: Thrusters? Are they important?
: [after an ad for Naboo
] I found those Gungans somewhat annoying.
: Not just Jar Jar, all of them.
: Ah, new acquisitions! You are a protocol droid, are you not? C-3PO
: I am C-3PO, human/cyborg... EV-9D9
: [cuts him off
] Yes or no will do. C-3PO
: Umm... yes. EV-9D9
: How many languages do you speak? C-3PO
: I am fluent in over six million forms of communication, and can readily... EV-9D9
: [cuts him off again
] Splendid! We have been without an interpreter since our master got angry with our last protocol droid and disintegrated him. C-3PO
[about the rebels attack plan
: Exciting is hardly the word I would choose.
: R2, why did you have to be so brave?
: What could possibly have come over Master Luke? Is it something I did? He never expressed any unhappiness with my work.
: I never knew I had it in me.
: We have stolen a small Imperial shuttle. Disguised as a cargo ship, and using a secret Imperial code, a strike team will land on the moon and deactivate the shield generator. C-3PO
: It sounds dangerous. Princess Leia
: [to Han
] Who have they found to pull that off? General Madine
: General Solo, is your strike team assembled?
: I have decided that we shall stay here.
: I do believe they think I am some kind of god. Han Solo
: Well, why don't you use your divine influence and get us out of this? C-3PO
: I beg your pardon General Solo, but that just wouldn't be proper. Han Solo
: Proper? C-3PO
: It's against my programming to impersonate a deity.
: His high exaltedness, the Great Jabba the Hutt, has decreed that you are to be terminated immediately. Han Solo
: Good, I hate long waits. C-3PO
: You will therefore be taken to the Dune Sea, and cast into the pit of Carkoon, the nesting place of the all-powerful Sarlaac. Han Solo
: Doesn't sound so bad. C-3PO
: In his belly you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years. Han Solo
: On second thought, let's pass on that, huh?
: I'm rather embarrassed, General Solo, but it appears that you are to be the main course at a banquet in my honor.
: Threepio, tell them if they don't do as you wish, you'll become angry and use your magic. C-3PO
: But, Master Luke, what magic? I couldn't possibly... Luke
: Just tell them.
: He says the scouts are going to show us the quickest way to the shield generator. Han Solo
: Good. How far is it? Ask him.
[3PO turns to ask, Han pulls him back
] Han Solo
: We need some fresh supplies too.
[3PO turns again; Han pulls him back again
] Han Solo
: Try and get our weapons back.
] Han Solo
: Hurry up, will ya? Haven't got all day!
: Wonderful. We are now a part of the tribe.
[an Ewok hugs Han
] Han Solo
: Just what I always wanted.
: At last, Master Luke's come to rescue me! Bib Fortuna
[Jabba wakes up with a start
] Bib Fortuna
: May I present Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight? Jabba the Hutt
: [in Huttese; subtitled
] I told you not to admit him! Luke
: I must be allowed to speak. Bib Fortuna
: He must be allowed to speak. Jabba the Hutt
: [grabs Bib Fortuna; in Huttese
] You weak minded fool! He's using an old Jedi mind trick.
[Jabba shoves Bib Fortuna aside
: You will bring Captain Solo and the Wookiee to me.
] Jabba the Hutt
: [in Huttese
] Your mind powers will not work on me, boy. Luke
: Nevertheless, I'm taking Captain Solo and his friends with me. You can either profit by this or be destroyed. It's your choice, but I warn you not to underestimate my powers. Jabba the Hutt
: [in Huttese
] There will be no bargain, my young Jedi. I shall enjoy watching you die.
: [to R2D2
] If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt, you'd probably short circuit.
: Ah, good! New acquisitions. You are a protocol droid, are you not? C-3PO
: I am C-3PO, Human... EV-9D9
: Yes or no will do. C-3PO
: Oh. Well, yes.
: Your Royal Highness. Princess Leia
: But these are my friends. 3PO, tell them they must be set free.
[C-3PO speaks with the Ewoks, they listen and shake their heads negatively
] Han Solo
: Somehow I got the feeling that didn't work very much.
: [deleted scene; Darth Vader and Moff Jerjerrod talk
] Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them. Moff Jerjerrod
: I tell you, this station will be operational as planned. Darth Vader
: The Emperor does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation. Moff Jerjerrod
: But he asks the impossible.
] Moff Jerjerrod
: I need more men. Darth Vader
: Then perhaps you can tell him when he arrives. Moff Jerjerrod
] The Emperor's coming here? Darth Vader
: That is correct, Commander. And he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress. Moff Jerjerrod
: We shall double our efforts. Darth Vader
: I hope so, Commander, for your sake.
] Darth Vader
: The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am.
[he and Jerjerrod walk away. Vader goes to his room and seats himself, communicating to Luke using the Force
] Darth Vader
: Luke... Luke... Join me and the Dark Side of the Force... my son, it is the only way... Luke... Luke...
[cut to Tatooine, where Luke constructs his new lightsaber and tests it out. R2-D2 beeps something as C-3PO talks to himself
: What a forsaken place this is! Why couldn't that bounty hunter have taken Captain Solo to a more... pleasant environment?
[R2-D2 comes out of the small cave and beeps something
: We're leaving? But, what about Master Luke?
[R2 beeps again
: I thought he was going to rescue Captain Solo?
[R2 beeps and starts rolling away
: You mean, we're going to that horrible fortress alone?
[follows after R2, who beeps again
: We're doomed.
[cut to another scene where R2 and 3PO are making their way toward Jabba's Palace
: [R2 beeps a question
] Of course I'm frightened, and you should be, too. Lando Calrissian and poor Chewbacca never return from this awful place.
: Don't be so sure. If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt, you'd probably short-circuit.
[R2 sounds scared
: I've had the most peculiar dream.
[R2-D2 is pulling C-3PO's head back towards his body
: This is such a drag.
[his head is placed next to his body
: I'm quite beside myself.
: Master Owen, may I present two most important visitors? Anakin
: I'm Anakin Skywalker. Owen Lars
: [intrigued, but wary, tone
] Owen Lars. This is my girlfriend, Beru. Beru
: Hello. Padme
: I'm Padme. Owen Lars
: Well... I guess I'm your stepbrother. I had a feeling you might show up someday. Anakin
: Is my mother here?
[a one-legged Cliegg Lars appears
] Cliegg Lars
: No, she's not. Cliegg Lars. Shmi is my wife. Come inside, we've got a lot to talk about.
[With head stuck on a battle droid's body
: DIE, Jedi dogs. Oh... what did I say?
[observing the battle droid assembly line
: Oh my goodness! Shut me down. Machines building machines. How perverse.
: He says he has a message from an Obi-Wan Kenobi, Master Anakin. Do you know what he's talking about?
: What's all this? A battle? There must be some mistake! I'm programmed for etiquette, not destruction!
: For a mechanic, you seem to do an incessant amount of thinking.
: [to Anakin
] The maker has returned!
: I'm programmed for etiquette, not destruction!
: There it is, Artoo. Our new home. The peaceful planet of Biitu. Remember, if you behave yourself, I'll put in a good word for you. Maybe he'll give you a job as well.
: Put the translator on the lube-crew. C3PO
: Oh no, this is the end!
: And poor R2D2... He's going to have his crystals drained for sure.
: Oh my, I, I can't stand heights. Slower, Fidge. All that oil has made my hands slippery. I, woah, oh!
: If I fall, I'm programmed to smash, not fly.
: Let me at him, sir. I'll dismantle him for what he did to Artoo!
: What's that little device, Threepio? C3PO
: Hm? Oh, eh it's a sonic capsule, sir. It was a, a birthday present from Artoo.
[turns it on to hear Artoo bleeping
: Follow me, friend. C-3PO
: Don't you think it might be imprudent to trust him so quickly, sir? Luke Skywalker
: He's our only chance... and besides, he seems like a friend.
: It is indeed true that at times like this R2 and I wish we were more than mechanical beings and we were really alive so we could share your feelings with you.
: Hang on, R2. C-3PO
: What about me? I'm going to shake apart.
: R2, stand by to fire the ejection pod. C-3PO
: And hurry, R2, or we'll be desert soon.
: He says our friend Boba found serum for the talisman virus. Luke Skywalker
: Boba, you're a hero and a faithful friend. You must come with us.
] Luke Skywalker
: What's the matter with R2? C-3PO
: I'm afraid, sir, it's because you said Boba's a friend and faithful ally. That does not feed properly into R2's information bank. Luke Skywalker
: What are you talking about? C-3PO
: We've intercepted a message between Boba and Darth Vader, sir. Boba Fett is Darth Vader's right-hand man. I'm afraid this whole adventure has been an Imperial plot. Boba Fett
: We'll meet again, friends.
[Boba Fett escapes by flying through the Falcon's top hatch
: Well, trust a droid to get to the bottom of things. Luke Skywalker
: Boba sure fooled the rest of us. C-3PO
: I beg your pardon, sir. Chewbacca suspected all along there was something bad about Boba. Luke Skywalker
: How did you know, Chewie?
: May I quote directly, sir? "He just didn't smell right."
: Pardon me, sir, could you possibly resist fiddling with technology that is beyond your comprehension?
: Oh, what a way to spend our retirement!
: Oh no, what are you doing? Ah! Please stop!
: If those are Tuskin Raiders, we were better off with these Jawas.
: Don't listen to him, it's a dead end! He must be malfunctioning! Pulling up is futile!
[Captain Typho is trying to talk Padme out of leaving Coruscant without protection
] Captain Typho
: My Lady, let me come with you. Padmé
: There is no danger. The fighting is over, and... this is personal.
] Captain Typho
: As you wish, My Lady... but I strongly disagree. Padmé
: I'll be all right, Captain. This is something I must do myself. Besides, Threepio will look after me. C-3PO
: Oh, dear.
[Typho leaves; Padme and C-3PO board the Naboo skiff; Obi-Wan sneaks on board
: My lady, is there anything I might do? Padmé
: No, thank you, 3P0. C-3PO
: [walking away
] I feel so helpless.
] Senator Bail Organa
: Captain Antilles. Captain Antilles
: Yes, Your Highness? Senator Bail Organa
: I'm placing these droids in your care. Treat them well. Clean them up. Have the Protocol Droid's mind wiped. C-3PO
[R2-D2 beeps in a way that sounds like laughing
: Oh, no.
: [to Padme
] You know I think I'm getting the hang of this flying business.
: I beg your pardon, but what do you mean, "naked?"
: My parts are showing? Oh, my goodness, oh!
: I can assure you they will never get me onto one of those dreadful starships.
: [wobbling significantly as he starts walking
] I am not sure this floor is entirely stable.
: Hello, I am C-3PO, human cyborg relations. How might I serve you?
[Luke Skywalker and C-3PO, from the movie Star Wars, are making a guest appearance on the show "Pigs in Space"
] Luke Skywalker
: [pointing at Miss Piggy, who's dressed like Princess Leia
] Look, it's the Princess! C-3PO
: She doesn't look like the Princess to me. Miss Piggy
: [sternly, to C-3PO
] Watch it, hardware!
: [pulling Luke down, dressed as Princess Leia
] Look, Skywalker, play along or I'll cut you in half... Luke Skywalker
: Look! It's the princess! C-3PO
: She doesn't look like a princess. Miss Piggy
: Watch it, hardware...
[Luke Skywalker, C-3PO, and R2-D2 have crashed through a guest's dressing-room wall
: Excuse me, Master Luke, but where are we? Mark Hamill
: [as Luke Skywalker
] Beats me, '3PO. We appear to have landed on some sort of comedy-variety show planet...
: [with Piggy, Link, and Strangepork
] Oh, no, Derth Nader!
[looks at camera
] Luke Skywalker
: Who? Gonzo
: The world will never know!
: Jar Jar, you great webfoot! You're squooshing my circuits!
Jar Jar Binks
: [finding a robe aboard Padmé's ship
] Dat's a lookin like a Jedi robe. Whosa you supposin dis belongs to? C-3PO
] I wouldn't, um, know. Hm.
: I have a very bad feeling about this.
: Go back to the ship and call for help. C-3PO
: I regret the transmitters on the ship are out of order. Padmé Amidala
: What? C-3PO
: The ship has been destroyed. Padmé Amidala
: Battle droids? C-3PO
: No. Padmé Amidala
: Jar Jar? C-3PO
: Jar Jar.
: Well, you'll never get me to go back to that iceberg! I don't care how safe it is now, R2, it gives my motivators the chills just thinking about it.
: Don't insult me, you overgrown scrap pile!
: I do wish I could go with you to Endor...
[something shorts and R2 warbles loudly
: On second thoughts, I just remembered how much I hate space travel. You have a nice trip though, R2.
: [to R2-D2
] Oh, my dear friend, how I've missed you.
: [comes between Han and Leia
] Goodness! Han Solo! It is I, C-3PO. You probably don't recognize me because of the red arm. C-3PO
: [turns to Leia
] Look who it is, did you see who... Um... C-3PO
: [turns back to Han
] Uh... C-3PO
: [turns back to Leia
] Um... Excuse me, Princ... General. Sorry. Come along, BB-8 quickly.
: Can't believe I was so foolish to think I could find Luke and bring him home. Han Solo
: Leia. Leia
: Don't do that. Han Solo
: Do what? Leia
[Leia walks off
: Princesses. Han Solo
: I'm trying to be helpful. Leia
: When did that ever help? And don't say the Death Star.
: Whoever you are, please note that my counterpart here is programmed in 47 schools of self defense.
: Congratulations. You are now a democracy!
: This is terrible.
: I'm having a bad feeling about this. With your permission, Senator Padmé, I would like to shut down before I get sensory overload. Padmé Amidala
: Permission denied.
: General Kenobi, Anakin. We're so glad you're... Anakin Skywalker
] Where's Senator Amidala? Captain Typho
: She went to look for the lab. Anakin Skywalker
: And you let her go? C-3PO
: Senator Padmé can be very hard to stop once she's made up her mind. Anakin Skywalker
: [calms down slightly
] Good point. I know what you mean.
: R2-D2, oh my, you are a sight for short circuits!
: R2, are you quite certain the ship is in this direction?
: This way looks potentially dangerous.
: I know the whole place is dangerous! I suggest we stay here and let Master Anakin find us. Anakin Skywalker
: [a lift door slides open, revealing Anakin and Padme
] 3P0! What are you doing, don't just stand there, let's get back to the ship.
[pod is disengaged
: Whoa! Yes! Oh I think I'm going to be sick.
: They'll kill us for sure! We need something we can trade for our lives! Beboobeep
: Beboobeep! Prissypeo
: Yes, the Princess! What a marvelous idea!
: This is the droid that promised to deliver her! Princess Bunhead
: What? Prissypeo
: Bunhead's on to us! Let's get out of here!
: Lost? Distracted? Oh, I cannot imagine where Master Anakin gets these ideas. You are the one who gets distracted.
[Artoo bleeps a negative reply
: You most certainly do. You wonder off like a drunken Nuna. I have half a mind to recalibrate your focus incapasitors.
: Artoo? The astromech. Go fetch me his little pal.
[HELIOS-3E replies in droidspeak, then leaves
: Oh no. What have I done?
: Hm, it seems no one wants my company tonight.
[During the battle on Coruscant, a stray missile flies over and blows a hole in the wall of Padme's apartment
: OH, NO! We're under attack! Captain Typho
: [over 3PO's wailing
] Milady, we must get you to safety! Padmé Amidala
: No, we have to evacuate the building! Get everyone to a shelter. Captain Typho
: Yes, milady. C-3PO
: [looking out the hole
] I don't believe my circuits! An army of droids, here? I'd like to have a serious talk with your programmers... Padmé Amidala
: [grabbing him
] Come on, 3PO!
: [greeting Big Bird
] Look, R2, there's our large, yellow bird friend. Hello, friend bird.
: Scarif? They're going to Scarif? Why does nobody ever tell me anything, R2?
: Oh, my stars, Han shot first! Han Solo
: Of course. It was me or him. Why wouldn't I? C-3PO
: That is a subject of some debate.
: I have a bad feeling about thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!
[slips and falls down a hole in the ground
: We're doomed.
: [to R2-D2
] What do you mean, "At least my creator wasn't Darth Vader"?